Why I Hate Darjeeling Tea

Alright, tea lovers, brace yourselves. I’m about to commit the ultimate tea sin: I hate Darjeeling tea. Yes, you heard me right. That so-called “Champagne of Teas” just doesn’t do it for me. And before you start throwing your teacups at me, let me explain why.

1. The Overhyped Aroma

Everyone raves about the “muscatel” aroma of Darjeeling tea. To me, it smells like someone tried to make grape juice in a musty old attic. I mean, who wants their tea to smell like a forgotten fruit basket? Give me a straightforward, no-nonsense tea any day.

2. The Inconsistent Flavour

Darjeeling tea is notorious for its inconsistent flavour. One day it’s light and floral, the next it’s bitter and astringent. It’s like playing Russian roulette with your taste buds. I like my tea to be reliable, not a moody teenager going through an identity crisis.

3. The Price Tag

Have you seen the price of Darjeeling tea? It’s like they’re harvesting it from the moon. For the same price, I could buy a lifetime supply of my favourite breakfast blend. I don't mind spending a lot on high-quality blends, buy why spend a fortune on something that’s as unpredictable as the weather?  

4. The Snob Factor

Darjeeling tea drinkers can be the worst. They’ll look down their noses at you if you dare to enjoy a good old-fashioned English Breakfast or, heaven forbid, a cup of Earl Grey. It’s tea, people, not a status symbol. Let’s all just calm down and enjoy our brews without pretentiousness. 

5. The Brewing Drama

Brewing Darjeeling tea is like performing a delicate surgery. Too hot, and you’ve got a bitter mess. Too cold, and it’s flavourless. Steep it for too long, and you’ll be puckering your lips for hours. I don’t have time for that kind of drama in my life. I just want a cup of tea, not a science experiment.

6. The Weakness

Darjeeling tea is often described as “delicate” and “light.” Translation: weak. If I wanted to drink something that barely tastes like anything, I’d stick to hot water. I need my tea to have some oomph, some body, some character. Darjeeling just doesn’t cut it.

7. The Aftertaste

Let’s talk about that aftertaste. It’s like a clingy smell that just won’t go away. You think you’re done with it, but nope, there it is, lingering on your palate like an unwelcome guest. I prefer my tea to leave a pleasant memory, not a haunting reminder.

Conclusion

So there you have it, my friends. My not-so-secret confession: I hate Darjeeling tea. It’s overhyped, inconsistent, overpriced, and just plain annoying. Give me a robust Assam or a comforting cup of chamomile any day. But hey, if you love Darjeeling, more power to you. Just don’t expect me to join the fan club anytime soon.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a cup of tea that doesn’t make me question my life choices. Cheers! 🍵😄

Share this post if you’ve ever felt the same way about Darjeeling tea, or if you just enjoy a good tea rant!